My current state of being in limbo has been testing my faith and my relationship with God. But in this time of uncertainty there is also a great deal of learning. One thing is coming to me more and more each day. I am learning that my emotions don't necessarily reflect what is going on in my mind. My emotions are up and down because I don't have a job, or money coming in and yet still have bills to pay. But my spirit is still sure that God loves me and He is good all the time. My emotions are just taking a while to catch up with this truth. I have spent so many years eating my emotions away with bingeing on sweet foods that I am new at all this feeling difficult emotions thing. I am having to learn to feel emotions well. I have to learn new ways of dealing with them.
I think I have a tendency still to see feeling any difficult emotions as a failure (funnily enough I only believe it is a failure in me - in others it is a perfectly acceptable and normal thing!). But it is normal given my current situation (i.e.who is living in temporary accommodation, with no money yet bills to pay, and a job that will not start for a few weeks) to feel emotional. It is a normal human response to uncertainty.
When all around me is uncertain I need to look at what is secure in my life. And this is where this post follows on from the last one. I know God loves me and has a plan for my life. I also know He is good and is working all things for good in my life. I have had a lot of words from Him saying He will speak to me and guide me. As in the last post, I need to keep my eyes focused on what is still, motionless and sure - the love God has for me, and His goodness.
I suffer from motion sickness and if I am a passenger in a car for too long I start to feel sick, especially if I am in the back seat. What helps is to look out of the front window with my eyes fixed on the road ahead as if I were driving the vehicle. It gives my brain an assurance of stability that stops the nausea from getting too bad (I never feel sick if I am driving). Gazing at God in times of turmoil has the same effect!
I know God wants to teach me about being focused on Him in times of turmoil and I pray I learn it well. I think my interim report from the Lord would probably say 'could do better'! However, it is said with love and a look in His eyes that is urging me on to deeper trust in Him.
I pray you will be able to do the same in your own times of turmoil.